Clicheing is No One's Fool
by Misty Margera
Summary: BIG OL parody of all the Zelda lemmmmmmmmmmmonnnnnnnnnnnssssss! Yes, the rating is DEFINATLY PG-13, nothing over. Chill.


Here's a lil' bitta ol' schoo fo' ya! My brother and I started writing this. It will be done, eventually. 

Plus, I have purple hair now! "Blowout Burgundy!"

"Clichéing is No One's Fool"

(Or: "The Lamest and Most Clichéd Lemon of Them All")

(OR or: "THE GRANDDADDY O' ALL LEMONS!")

(DONTCHU DARE SQUEEEEEEEEEL!! This is "hardly sexually explicit." Hell…"Titanic" had more sex than this sucker.)

Zelda stared out her bedroom window, looking at the pretty colors in the sky, which were caused by pollution.

She took a large breath in, and sighed.

"Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii…"

Ten minutes later, Impa waltzed in. "Zelda, it's dinner time…"

"Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh-DINNER? Sweet, Impa, what are we having?"

Impa thought for a moment. "I'm not sure, I saw Rauru downstairs, so I don't know what's left." 

Suddenly, Link jumped in to the scene from behind a dresser drawer. "I'll save you from the mean, stuck up, snobby, prickish prince-dude, mill-ah-dee!"

Impa slapped her forehead. "It's 'milady,' Link, and you were suh-POSSED to come in when Zelda was sighing!"

"My bad," Link said, as he jumped out the window.

Zelda looked out the window again, this time, her eyes chasing after her sexual hero in a green tunic. Hmm…who else could THAT be??? "One day, Impa, I'll marry that smug bastard…"

"SUUUUUUURE ya will, Zelda!" retorted Impa.

"Tis a pity that I'm to marry that prince dude…I would like to marry Link…if he wasn't a PEASANT!!" Zelda stuck her head out the window and yelled, "STUPID DUMB PEASANT!! WHY DON'T YOU GO BACK TO PEASANTVILLE AND SMOKE CRACK, AND DRESS UP LIKE A MAILMAN, AND HAVE SEX WITH SOME GIRL I DON'T EVEN KNOW ON MY DAD'S BED???"

Impa stared wide-eyed at that crazy girl. "You've been watching too much South Park."

"Mmm'kay, Mr. Mackey, Mmm'kay?"

"SHUT THE F-WORD UP, ZELDA!" screamed Impa.

Zelda's face turned as she saw Link run out of the bushes and zip up his tunic.

"I REALLY HAD TO WHIZZ!! SORRY!" Yelled Link as he scampered away.

"Impa, I caught Link peeing in the bushes again," Zelda said.

"Oh well," said Impa, "I forgot to water em today anyway…"

And they both ran downstairs.

When Zelda's eyes fell upon her husband to be, she felt like running into the bathroom and upchucking everywhere. Why? Uh, I don't know…because he was putrid?

"Hhhhhhello, you sexual wife to be…I am Prince HappyPantellones!"

Zelda blinked repeatedly at this guy, then said, "Ah heh heh heh…"

She turned to her father, and screamed at the top of her lungs, "LET ME OUT OF THIS HELL HOLE!!" 

"HEY ZELDA!" screamed back the King, "SHUT YER PIE HOLE AND EAT!!! UNLESS YOU WANT RAURU TO EAT EVERYTHING!!!!"

Rauru, who till recently had his face stuffed in the mashed potatoes, walked up to Zelda and said, "It's TRUUUUUE, graceful creature!!!!!"

"Would you STOP HITTING ON ME YOU ASS RAMMER?!?!?!?!"

The King gasped. "WHO'S AN ASS RAMMER?!?!"

"NOT ME," yelled Rauru, diving back into the mashed potatoes.

After din-dins, Zelda and HappyPantellones were walking around aimlessly for hours upon hours.

"I'm gonna rule this goddam place soon," said Prince HappyPantellones, aka "Mr. I-State-The-Fluckin'-Obvious."

"No shit, Sherlock," Zelda said, reiterating what Misty just said.

"Well, once I rule this shithole, it's gonna rock your world more than I will," HappyPantellones said.

"Super," Zelda started to say, "Let me go throw up all over myself now."

HappyPantellones was intrigued. "C'N I WATCH?"

Zelda ran off into the castle, screaming her head off all the way.

Back at the castle, Zelda was sittin in her room, brushin her hair, when she hit a knot and screamed. 

"OWWIE OWWIE OWWIE OWWIE OWWWWWWWIE! GET IT OUT GET IT OUT GET IT OOOOOOOUT!!!"

When oh so suddenly, Link popped into her room and watched her scream. To both Link and Zelda's dismay, Impa walked by their room and put an ear to the door and heard Link and Zelda's convo.

"Damn your sexy when you're in pain," Link said.

"SHADDUP AND PULL IT OUT!! IT HURTS!"

"Oh my," thought Impa.

"Okay, okay, quit writhing in pain, or else I can't get it out."

"Liiiiink! You're supposed to be strong for f-bomb's sake! You can get this out! Just…be gentle, M'KAY?"

"Alright alright!!!! Brace yourself, though," Link said.

Link made a reach for the brush, and tugged on it.

"OH OW!!! OW OW OWWWWWWWWW!"

Impa started giggling from outside.

"MY GOD THIS BITCH HURTS!" Zelda screamed.

"If you keep doing that," Link said, "I can't pull it out. So be quiet and let me do it."

That brush just didn't want to come out.

"CHRIST LINK, STOPPIT!! JUST GET IT OUT!!"

"It doesn't hurt THAT much!" Link said. "Take a friggin' chill pill!"

"How would YOU know?? It's tangled up in ME! Not YOU!"

Impa, from outside, could not hold her laughter anymore, and slammed on the door and collapsed in Zelda's room, rolling on the floor.

"What the-" Link said.

Impa sat up wiping the tears from her eyes. "Sorry guys, it sounded so goddam funny from outside. I thought you were entangled in a passionate love-making session."

There stood Link and Zelda, wide-eyed.

"Ehh?" They both said.

"That shouldn't happen for a while now, Impa," said Zelda.

Meanwhzzile…

G-dorf was playing a round of Monopoly in the Sacred Realm when a goblin came in.

"MUAHAHHAHAHAHA!! I got the Evil Tennis Courts!!" Said Ganondorf, who until now didn't notice the goblin. "So I'm now beating myself 1,000,000 rupees to NOTHING! My GOD I'm SUCH A LOSER!"

"Your…uh, not-so-greatness?" said Goblin Number One.

"YO, WHAT'S SHAKIN'? You wanna play Monopoly with me? I mean, it's gonna ROOOOOOCK!! And then I'll have a friend to play with and not be such a god forsaken LOSER!"

Goblin Number One got too scared of Ganondorf so he sent in Goblin Number Two as his stunt double. Goblin Number Two told Ganondorf about Zelda getting married to HappyPantellones.

"OH THIS IS SO GREAT!" said Ganondorf, "THIS CAN LIKE…MAKE ME INADVERTENTLY RULE THE KINGDOM!"

"How would we go aboot that your loserifficness?" quoth Goblin Numero Dos.

"Well DER. Everyone's distracted by the wedding…THEN WE'LL FRUCK UP THE KINGDOM!"

"Ah…"

Anyway…

King H. called Link into his throne room.

"Oh Liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiink…" Harkinian was sitting on his bed, sprawled out.

"Yes your majest-omigod…" Link said as he strutted into Harkinian's throne room.

Harkinian rolled over onto his stomach and beckoned Link with his index finger. Link, understandingly feeling uncomfortable, hesitated. But eventually the stupid side of his mind won and he strutted up to Harkinian.

"My daughter's getting married soon, and she needs a bodyguard. Wanna do it?"

"WHOOOO BOY WOULD I EVER! THANKS SO MUCH!"

"Don't thank me just yet, silly boy…" Harkinian whispered, grabbing Link by the collar and onto the bed… (eesh, Misty)

Suddenly the REAL Harkinian came into the room with a towel wrapped around his waist, and cleaning his ears with a lil' towel. "JEEEEEEEEESUS CHRIST SAVES THE WORLD! LINK WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING????"

Link jumped up onto his feet and went "AAAAAAH!" Heh heh…

The REAL Harkinian quickly got into a pair of flannel jimmies, took the wet the towel around his waist and made a rat tail out of it, in which to whip the imposter Harkinian. When the whip was executed, the imposter Harkinian's mask fell off revealing WINDMILL GUY!

"HAHHAHAHAHAHA I'M SUCH A CRACK ADDICT!" Then he threw a wet sponge at Link and jumped out the window.

"Oh…my…God…" Link said.

"Stupid Windmill Guy, he's ALWAYS doing that to me! Anyway Link, wanna be Zelda's bodyguard?"

"WHOOOO BOY WOULD I EVER! THANKS SO MUCH!"

"Don't thank me yet, silly boy…"


End file.
